here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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