Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
