not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
