you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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