Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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