There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize