On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
