My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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