I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
