..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
