I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
