Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I need to calm my uterus...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
