if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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