Well douche your snatch and let's go!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
