ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
