Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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