If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
