So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
