What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
