Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
