I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
