he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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