happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
