ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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