The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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