What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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