Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
