I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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