smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i barfeds in our rink
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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