tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
