hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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