dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
