you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
