Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
