If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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