yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
