I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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