Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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