A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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