Sober January is a disaster.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
