i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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