there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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