im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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