If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
