i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
