saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
