Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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