I think i peed on brittanys purse
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
