my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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