She's the barista slut.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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