i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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