His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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