im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am naked and annoyed.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
