4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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