I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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