What a fucking waste of an outfit
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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