I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
