there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
