I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
