I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
