It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
