Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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