He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Boobs speak an international language.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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