I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
