I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
