In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize