I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
